Quran burner

[JC]

Ok, I'll be the dipweed on this one, and I'll be honest enough to not delete or alter my post. The CIA has no arresting powers, BUT, BUT it works directly with Law Enforcement by providing investigative and intelligence assistance. Actually 9/11 and the patriot act may have broadened their reach and powers but I can't say for sure.

[Observer]

The CIA is a federal law enforcement agency dipweed. The three Federal Law Enforcement Agencies are: FBI, CIA, and the ATF. Homeland Security is in charge of all of the above.

You are our resident know it all in law enforcement and security, and you just flunked out.

Your caretakers really need to get you a tutor who makes basement calls.

There are over 60 Federal Law Enforcement agencies. The CIA is not one of them. The CIA is an INTELLIGENCE agency, specifically prohibited by law from engaging in law enforcement activities. The FBI is a branch of the Department of Justice, not Homeland Security. The ATF was originally an agency of the Treasury Department. In 2003, it was transferred to the Department of Justice.

You are 0 for 3.

And show me where the Patriot Act does not forego constitutional rights. Do more than cite the gospel according to Observer. Show me case history or chapter and verse that I am wrong. You already flunked your first part of the civics course regarding the CIA not being law enforcement. Wanna double down on stupid?

I have got a better idea. You show ME where it legal for ANY Federal law to supersede the US Constitution. There is a reason it is known as THE SUPREME LAW OF THE LAND.

[Velleity]

I have got a better idea. You show ME where it legal for ANY Federal law to supersede the US Constitution. There is a reason it is known as THE SUPREME LAW OF THE LAND.

Unfortunately for you your interpretation of the Constitution is meaningless to anyone other than the hamster that spins the wheel between your ears.

[Observer]

You need to get help, Vel. Do it before your hatred consumes you and we read about you on the roof of a bell tower somewhere, shooting at people with a Super Soaker.

[dagon]

You need to get help, Vel. Do it before your hatred consumes you and we read about you on the roof of a bell tower somewhere, shooting at people with a Super Soaker.

that sounds more like you fry-cook.  although, you would probably man-up and get the super deluxe "sniper-soaker"

peace

[SpaceCadet]

In a not too surprising pair of coordinated press releases, Shirley Phelps-Rogers of Westboro Baptist Church and Rev. Terry Jones of Dove World Outreach Center today announced plans to merge into a single hate filled church of ignorant lunatics. The merge will become official when Westboro joins them in the upcoming "International Burn the Quran Day" event.

 
The two organizations came to know each other when Westboro joined them earlier this year in a protest of the election of Gainsville's openly gay mayor.


Phelps-Rogers indicated that while they were joining forces to protest the Satan worshiping perverted sodomites and lesbians, the Dove World portion of the new church was still going straight to hell because "they're still too much like Pentecostals."

 
In other religion news, the Vatican today announced that the Catholic Church will be merging with the North American Man Boy Love Assiciation (NAMBLA) and plans to ordain all of its members.


http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i82108

[SpaceCadet]

And now for something completely different...


Terry Jones - former member of the Monty Python comedy team who has since swapped the Ministry of Silly Walks and the Ministry of Arguments for the Ministry of God - is now facing retaliatory action from the Taliban following his plans to hold a 'Burn A Koran Day' at the Dove Outreach Centre in Gainesville, Florida.
 

In response to Terry Jones threats to publically burn copies of the sacred Islamic text, The Koran, the Taliban have publically threatened to burn copies of The Life of Brian and have also indicated they may consider burning copies of The Meaning of Life and Monty Python & The Holy Grail too.


Osama Bin Laden today held an interview from a cave in Pakistan. Our reporter, Mr Creosote, asked him what moslems felt about the proposed burning of the Koran:


"I think that all good, right thinking moslem terrorists in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking moslem terrorists in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking moslem terrorists in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am" said Obama.

 
Our man Creosote asked him if he himself wanted to come across as petty by burning copies of the Monty Python backcatalogue and Bin Laden was clearly in a reflective move:


"I never wanted to be a terrorist. I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK!"


"But what about the wider Al Queda network around the world, would they be following the orders of their messiah Bin Laden and also burning copies of the Python's films?" asked Creosote:


"He's not the Messiah - he's a very naughty boy" said Obama's press agent as he quickly cut the interview short by beheading most of the journalists.

 
"So what do you intend to do Mr Bin Laden if Terry Jones does proceed with his plans to burn the Qur'an in Florida?" shouted Mr Creosote as he made quick his escape:


Bin Laden pointed to a large stack of Monty Python DVD's and responded by saying, "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean? A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh? Say no more..."

 
Creosote later caught up with Terry Jones at his base in Florida to get his side of the story. Flanked by his personal security team (who were all wearing red cloaks and brandishing cushions), he asked him how he planned to pull off the Qur'an burning amid a wave of protests from around the world:

 
"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again" said Jones rather theatrically.


"Who gave you the idea to hold the Koran burning day?" asked Creosote:
 

"Jesus did. I was hopping along, when suddenly he comes and cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next moment me livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. Look. I'm not saying that being a leper was a bowl of cherries. But it was a living. I mean, you try waving muscular suntanned limbs in people's faces demanding compassion. It's a bloody disaster. So I'm burning the Koran now to make ends meet."


Creosote pushed Terry Jones further, "But does this not offend all the people of Islam? Does burning the Koran not offend their prophet Mohammed? Surely Jesus himself would be pining for you not to do this?"
 

"He's not pining, he's passed on. This capenter is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't have nailed him to the cross he'd be pushing up the daisies. He's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-King of the Jews!"


And on that bombshell, Mr Creosote left the interview in search of just one tiny little wafer...

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i82156

[JC]

I'll postpone burning my crayons, but I won't move my ground zero masks.

[Velleity]

that sounds more like you fry-cook.  although, you would probably man-up and get the super deluxe "sniper-soaker"

peace

Lately the mope has been projecting even more than he's been ad homming.

[JC]

Back on topic. I think the Pastor should still be arrested and/or at least detained for the time being, and let the courts settle this out after things cool down.When our joint commanders in the field tell the pentagon, the sec/state, secdef and pres that this guy and his threat have put our troops in harms way-it's went past a first amendment issue. Throw him on ice and let the courts settle this out in time. This guy is a whack job. It's no longer about first amendment. This is crying fire/crowded building/national security and needs to be immediately dealt with decisively.

[Pepsi]

I think he should be sent to Afghanistan on a one man mission.   

[johnhp]

i do not know thqat the guy should be arrested.  he is close, for instance to incitement but he has been trying to back away from it.  Too little too late?  Maybe.  i would like to see some of these newswhores who have been focusing on this guy to focus on the positive things going on in that community and elsewhere geared to specifically opposing this guy and his bile.  There are interreligious activities planned and we should hear those people and their activities should get as much attention as this Jones guy.

People working to get along, however, doesn't move the story forward.

[JC]

The reason I think he should be arrested is to at least put an immediate stop to the nonsense and then let the courts settle it. This joker, in the course of a couple hours went from cancelling his event to saying it's only postponed-let's make up his mind for him, and then let the courts decide what is right or wrong. I don't believe we should be in the middle east, but as long as we are and as long as secdef and chiefs on the ground are worried about the elevated threat, we ought to be doing everything we can to eliminate the possibility of this guy acting out or even getting any more immediate attention.

 As far as the press, you are right, but they are only doing what they do. This guy was the "balloon boy" of the week. He was a big news story-THE news story. Sucks. Especially living down here and having to even be geographically closer to it all. Bust his ass for something/anything, let him sit for a bit and let the courts decide. To me, I think he totally abused his "freedom of speech" by endangering troops-not just becasue I said so, but I trust the Generals and secdefs opinions as well. Fuck this clown.

[johnhp]

i think if he has violated the laws against incitement he should certainly be arrested.  i have no problem with that.  i do have a problem with using state power to quell speech.  he obviously intends, if he goes through with this, to violate fire codes.

With regard to generals and the sec of defense; i don't trust them as far as i can through them.  Will this bullshit lead to violence elsewhere?  Yes.  But we should not act as if that violence is unrelated to our history in these regions.  This incident is a fire on a larger powderkeg that we can neither address with bombs not throwing this sorry assed con man in jail.

If the newsvolk and talking heads were as concerned with the violence as they claim to be, if the state was as concerned with the violence as it claims to be, then do something big in the area with interfaith dialog to counter this guy.  They should put their money where their mouths are rather than standing buy and wringing their hands.  i say be productive, support and extend the events oppsing this guy.  Shine a light on the good.

Of course, this stuff where the right craps on real democracy, because this guy about undermining democracy, needs to be addressed and it needs to be addressed directly.  If this guy has to be smacked around in a street brawl, well, i have no problem with that either.

[JC]

Something needs to be done about this guy and soon. Arrest and detain or somebody act out on the guy. He has been in front of the press all frickin day today and is clearly playing games and a total media whore. There is nothing Christian or decent about this asshole. He's a misleading piece of shit.